Recently, I critiqued
an action script that, while narratively sound, lacked the punch in its action
sequences. The scenes were static, missing the visceral impact essential for
the genre. This is a common pitfall when the prose is too passive or
descriptive without being evocative.
When crafting action
scenes, consider the level of detail necessary to paint a clear picture without
dictating every punch. It’s about striking a balance between guiding the
reader’s imagination and allowing room for the director’s vision.
For example, instead of detailing every blow in a fight scene, focus on the pivotal moments that define the characters’ skills, the stakes, and the outcome. Use active verbs and vary sentence lengths to mimic the rhythm of the action.
To truly grasp the art
of action writing, study the works of accomplished screenwriters like Shane
Black. His screenplay for The Long Kiss
Goodnight exemplifies how to write compelling action that’s both
descriptive and engaging, without being overly prescriptive.
EXT. THE FRONT PORCH – JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR – NIGHT
THE CAROLERS continue their interesting rendition. Snowflakes fall. All is
quiet. All is bright.
Especially bright is the SHOTGUN BARREL pressed to the throat of the lead
soprano.
The weapon’s a HE-109. Over and under combo. Shotgun on top. High explosive
cannon on bottom.
You’d sing shitty too.
INT. HOUSE – SAME
Samantha walks to the door. Carrying a bowl of festive M&M’s. Just as she
gets to the door –
The singing stops.
The sound of FOOTFALLS. Running off into the night.
Samantha frowns, puzzled. OPENS THE DOOR.
The carolers are gone.
MR. BARNES remains. Gun in hand.
Escaped convict. Trained killer.
BARNES: Evening, Charly. Long time.
He swings the gun. SLAMS the barrel into her.
Glass shatters. M&M’s everywhere.
She gapes at him. Dumbstruck, unable to THINK.
Hurry it up, lady, we need a decision, live or die –
SHE GRABS THE GUN BARREL
Snaps out of it, just like that. Wrenches the gun –
They reel and rock.
ON THE STAIRS
Appears seven-year-old CAITLIN, eyes like saucers:
CAITLIN: Mommy...!
SAMANTHA: GET OUUTTTT!!!!
Sam’s cry is a veritable shriek, as
HAL
Appears, snarling. POUNCES on Barnes –
Succeeds in annoying him.
For his trouble, Hal gets three broken ribs and a trip to the fireplace.
Airborne. Comes down, bam!
He catches fire. SCREAMS. Rolls over and over on his broken ribs, as
BARNES
Kicks Samantha in the gut. She collapses onto the stairs. Splinters the
banister.
The he sees CAITLIN. Top of the stairs, she’s paralyzed.
SAMANTHA: NO!!!!
Barnes is already moving forward. SPIN-COCKS the shotgun, draws a bead –
Promptly slips on the festive M&M’s. Goes down.
Gun goes off, WHAM--! A flat concussion.
The banister EXPLODES. A storm of wood chips, as
SAMANTHA
Surges up the stairs, toward her daughter –
BARNES. On the ground. Fires, WHAM!
The wall disappears THREE INCHES FROM CAITLIN’S HEAD.
Blown to shreds, you can SEE OUTDOORS.
Samantha doesn’t miss a beat. GRABS her daughter –
FLINGS HER OUTSIDE.
Through the hole in the wall. Takes her by the belt and fucking HURLS her out
into space!
EXT. SIDE OF HOUSE – SAME TIME
Two stories up. The kid is ejected, flailing.
Floats in SLOW MOTION. Across a ten foot gap –
INTO THE TREEHOUSE.
Sails head over heels into the place. Hits with a CRASH. Alive and unhurt.
BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE
Samantha didn’t even look. Didn’t need to.
Here comes BARNES. Up the staircase. Reloading.
Samantha launches herself down the stairs.
COLLIDES, head on. Down they go.
Barnes, rolls to his feet. Propels her into the KITCHEN.
INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME
She hits, WHAM, spray of cat food –
SKIDDING. Across the linoleum.
Slams to a stop. Hard. Cupboard pops open, out comes the IRONING BOARD. Falls
into place, SNAP--!
A GUN BLAST disintegrates it. Reveals Sam, cowering behind.
BARNES: I want my eye back, bitch.
Samantha struggles to her feet. Dazed. Barnes abandons the shotgun. Takes the
IRON down from its spot on the shelf –
Begins to beat her with it.
Savagely. Methodically.
Samantha takes hit after hit. Head snapping to and fro. Reeling backward...
Still he comes. No mercy. SLAM. To the head.
Bleeding now. Stumbles...Raises her arms pitifully –
Still he hits her. DENTS the iron.
BARNES: Goddamn you. Fight me. What’s wrong with you, fight me!
You don’t need to
emulate Shane Black to enhance your action scenes. The key is to inject
energy and visual flair into your writing. Instead of a bland description
like “Joe punches Jack and Jack falls on the floor,” try something more dynamic
that paints a picture and conveys the intensity of the moment. For instance:
“Joe’s fist rockets forward, a blur of fury, connecting with Jack’s jaw. Jack’s body crumples, hitting the floor with a thud that echoes the punch’s impact.”
This approach not only
makes the scene more engaging but also helps the reader visualize the action as
if they’re watching it unfold on the big screen. Keep your action vivid,
concise, and full of momentum to capture the essence of a cinematic experience.
Elevating action scenes in a screenplay involves using vivid, dynamic language
and varying sentence structure to create a sense of urgency and movement. Here
are some examples:
Before: “John runs through the
forest. He jumps over a log.”
After: “John
barrels through the dense forest, heart pounding. He vaults over a fallen log,
barely touching the ground.”
Before: “Sarah and Mike engage in a
sword fight. They block and attack.”
After: “Sarah and Mike’s blades
dance in a deadly rhythm, clashing and sparking. With each expert parry, their
eyes lock—two warriors in a ballet of steel.”
Before: “The car chase speeds through the city
streets.”
After: “The muscle car roars down
the city streets, tires screeching as it weaves through traffic. Buildings blur
past, horns blare, and the chase is a symphony of adrenaline.”
Before: “The building explodes.”
After: “A deafening roar rips
through the air as the building erupts into a fireball, sending a shockwave
that shatters windows and showers the street with debris.”
Before: “Anna dives into the water to save the
child.”
After: “Anna plunges into the churning waters, her arms slicing through the waves in a desperate race against time to reach the flailing child.”
By focusing on the
sensory details and the emotional stakes of the scene, you can transform
straightforward descriptions into memorable moments that leap off the page.
Remember to use strong verbs, vary your sentence lengths, and focus on the
characters’ experiences to bring your action scenes to life. Your goal is to
create a script that’s not just a blueprint for production but also an
enthralling read that captures the essence of the action-packed story you’re
telling.
