Several days ago I completed a critique on an action script. While the story itself wasn’t too bad, the overall execution of the action sequences read more like a story written by Jane Austen. Nothing wrong with Jane Austen, but I’m not so sure you’d want her writing the next big action flick. I mean, if she were alive. Whatever.
Anyway, the action scenes in the script just didn’t do anything for me. The words were just laying there on the page. They didn’t pop out in a visually exciting manner. That’s a big problem if you’re trying to write anything that’s to be considered thrilling. Oddly enough, a couple days later, I received an e-mail from another writer asking: “How involved should my action sequences be? If I’m writing a fight scene, should I describe every time someone gets hit?”
So, I'll take this as a sign to address this aspect of screenwriting.
But instead of me trying to explain how an action scene should be written, I’m gonna take the lazy way out and simply post a segment of Shane Black’s excellent screenplay The Long Kiss Goodnight. After all, one of the best ways to learn how to write a screenplay is by actually reading professional screenplays. Besides, nobody does it quite like Shane. So, without further ado...
EXT. THE FRONT PORCH – JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR – NIGHT
THE CAROLERS continue their interesting rendition. Snowflakes fall. All is quiet. All is bright.
Especially bright is the SHOTGUN BARREL pressed to the throat of the lead soprano.
The weapon’s an HE-109. Over and under combo. Shotgun on top. High explosive cannon on bottom.
You’d sing shitty too.
INT. HOUSE – SAME
Samantha walks to the door. Carrying a bowl of festive M&M’s. Just as she gets to the door –
The singing stops.
The sound of FOOTFALLS. Running off into the night.
Samantha frowns, puzzled. OPENS THE DOOR.
The carolers are gone.
MR. BARNES remains. Gun in hand.
Escaped convict. Trained killer.
BARNES: Evening, Charly. Long time.
He swings the gun. SLAMS the barrel into her.
Glass shatters. M&M’s everywhere.
She gapes at him. Dumbstruck, unable to THINK.
Hurry it up, lady, we need a decision, live or die –
SHE GRABS THE GUN BARREL
Snaps out of it, just like that. Wrenches the gun –
They reel and rock.
ON THE STAIRS
Appears seven-year-old CAITLIN, eyes like saucers:
CAITLIN: Mommy...!
SAMANTHA: GET OUUTTTT!!!!
Sam’s cry is a veritable shriek, as
HAL
Appears, snarling. POUNCES on Barnes –
Succeeds in annoying him.
For his trouble, Hal gets three broken ribs and a trip to the fireplace. Airborne. Comes down, bam!
He catches fire. SCREAMS. Rolls over and over on his broken ribs, as
BARNES
Kicks Samantha in the gut. She collapses onto the stairs. Splinters the banister.
The he sees CAITLIN. Top of the stairs, she’s paralyzed.
SAMANTHA: NO!!!!
Barnes is already moving forward. SPIN-COCKS the shotgun, draws a bead –
Promptly slips on the festive M&M’s. Goes down.
Gun goes off, WHAM--! A flat concussion.
The banister EXPLODES. A storm of wood chips, as
SAMANTHA
Surges up the stairs, toward her daughter –
BARNES. On the ground. Fires, WHAM!
The wall disappears THREE INCHES FROM CAITLIN’S HEAD.
Blown to shreds, you can SEE OUTDOORS.
Samantha doesn’t miss a beat. GRABS her daughter –
FLINGS HER OUTSIDE.
Through the hole in the wall. Takes her by the belt and fucking HURLS her out into space!
EXT. SIDE OF HOUSE – SAME TIME
Two stories up. The kid is ejected, flailing.
Floats in SLOW MOTION. Across a ten foot gap –
INTO THE TREEHOUSE.
Sails head over heels into the place. Hits with a CRASH. Alive and unhurt.
BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE
Samantha didn’t even look. Didn’t need to.
Here comes BARNES. Up the staircase. Reloading.
Samantha launches herself down the stairs.
COLLIDES, head on. Down they go.
Barnes, rolls to his feet. Propels her into the KITCHEN.
INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME
She hits, WHAM, spray of cat food –
SKIDDING. Across the linoleum.
Slams to a stop. Hard. Cupboard pops open, out comes the IRONING BOARD. Falls into place, SNAP--!
A GUN BLAST disintegrates it. Reveals Sam, cowering behind.
BARNES: I want my eye back, bitch.
Samantha struggles to her feet. Dazed. Barnes abandons the shotgun. Takes the IRON down from its spot on the shelf –
Begins to beat her with it.
Savagely. Methodically.
Samantha takes hit after hit. Head snapping to and fro. Reeling backward...
Still he comes. No mercy. SLAM. To the head.
Bleeding now. Stumbles...Raises her arms pitifully –
Still he hits her. DENTS the iron.
BARNES: Goddamn you. Fight me. What’s wrong with you, fight me!
There's more to the scene, but I think you get the point. Pretty exciting stuff, eh? You bet!
No, I don't expect you to write like Shane Black, but there's no reason why you can't spiff up those action scenes. Just make it interesting, make it visual...give us more than just:
Joe punches Jack and Jack falls on the floor.
Sorry, but that's not how you write a script.
# # #
Check out my book, Q & A: The Working Screenwriter! Interviews with 16 working screenwriters!
Words of Warning (part 2)!!
I just helped to avert a possible disaster. Well, maybe not a disaster, but definitely a major bump in a budding screenwriter’s career. Here’s what happened:
A teenager contacted me recently and asked if I would look at her recently-completed script. I told her to send the first 15 pages and I’d be happy to read them and at least see if she was on the right track with her writing. Based on her age, my guess was she wasn’t. So I read the fifteen pages. As I suspected, the pages needed quite a bit of work; they were nowhere near being ready to be sent to agents or producers. I told her she still needed some significant time of study and writing under her belt before she'd write anything truly professional. I gave her some tips, pointers and suggestions and she seemed happy enough. Then she told me she was with an agency.
That’s when I saw a dozen red flags go up.
I then discovered the agency in question was known as The Screenplay Agency. Many of us know who these guys are. There have been lots of complaints about them over the years. I really don’t know how they stay in business. Anyway, this young girl told me she was about to sign some paperwork with them. (Not sure how that works considering she’s underage.) I then told her to do some research on the fine folks at The Screenplay Agency. She did — and quickly discovered a flurry of complaints from other screenwriters.
What’s interesting to me — not in a good way —is that I warn about this sort of thing on my website. I’ve also warned about this sort of thing here on my blog (see my July 14, 2007 entry). This young girl says she’s read my site…so isn’t she taking notes?!
C'MON, PAY ATTENTION!!
If an “agency” tells you they love your script and want to rep you, don’t immediately think you’ve struck gold and sign on the dotted line. Do research. Get on Google (or wherever) and check ‘em out. Read the fine print in their contract. If they tell you there’s a fee of any kind, drop 'em like a hot rock. DON’T GET RIPPED OFF.
A teenager contacted me recently and asked if I would look at her recently-completed script. I told her to send the first 15 pages and I’d be happy to read them and at least see if she was on the right track with her writing. Based on her age, my guess was she wasn’t. So I read the fifteen pages. As I suspected, the pages needed quite a bit of work; they were nowhere near being ready to be sent to agents or producers. I told her she still needed some significant time of study and writing under her belt before she'd write anything truly professional. I gave her some tips, pointers and suggestions and she seemed happy enough. Then she told me she was with an agency.
That’s when I saw a dozen red flags go up.
I then discovered the agency in question was known as The Screenplay Agency. Many of us know who these guys are. There have been lots of complaints about them over the years. I really don’t know how they stay in business. Anyway, this young girl told me she was about to sign some paperwork with them. (Not sure how that works considering she’s underage.) I then told her to do some research on the fine folks at The Screenplay Agency. She did — and quickly discovered a flurry of complaints from other screenwriters.
What’s interesting to me — not in a good way —is that I warn about this sort of thing on my website. I’ve also warned about this sort of thing here on my blog (see my July 14, 2007 entry). This young girl says she’s read my site…so isn’t she taking notes?!
C'MON, PAY ATTENTION!!
If an “agency” tells you they love your script and want to rep you, don’t immediately think you’ve struck gold and sign on the dotted line. Do research. Get on Google (or wherever) and check ‘em out. Read the fine print in their contract. If they tell you there’s a fee of any kind, drop 'em like a hot rock. DON’T GET RIPPED OFF.
Movie Geeks interview is up!
If you missed the live podcast, you can listen to my interview with the Movie Geeks on their website (link below). Also on the podcast is screenwriter Allison Burnett, screenwriter of the upcoming release RESURRECTING THE CHAMP (and one of the interviewees in my book, Q & A: The Working Screenwriter). This is a very informative show, so I hope you'll log on and listen in. Here’s the link for the site: Blog TalkRadio Movie Geeks United!
Reader question #3...
Q: John from Canada asked how he could get his R-rated comedy scripts read. He was leery of pitchfests and also felt his particular brand of material wouldn’t fare well in a typical screenwriting contest. So what is a Canadian family man/writer to do?
A: As we all know (or should know), success in this business is contingent upon networking. It’s about making that necessary “face time” with people in The Biz. You need to make them aware of who you are and that you have talent. So if you don’t live in a filmmaking hub such as Los Angeles, then you obviously have to find other avenues to establish connections. Based on your location (Canada) and inability to travel (due to the wife and kids), I think your best bet is going the query route: letters to agents and producers. While it is possible for you to have some success with this, just know that the odds aren't that great.
Let’s begin with agents and managers: Order a copy of the Hollywood Creative Directory (HCD) for Representation. This book is a bit on the pricey side, but it’s brimming with solid contact information. Yes, you can query the big agencies (CAA, ICM, William Morris, etc.), but I strongly suggest you target the smaller, boutique agencies. (For my reasons for this, visit the “Questions & Answers” section on my website.) Send these folks a query/pitch via snail mail or e-mail.
ULTRA-IMPORTANT: Puh-leeze make sure you know how to write an effective query. Make sure you can effectively pitch your script succinctly. If you are unable to do this, don’t send your query/pitch until you can.
Remember, this is a numbers game, so be prepared to send dozens of queries. Your response rate will more than likely be very low, but all it takes is one “yes” to get a career going.
Now, let’s move on to production companies: Order a copy of the HCD for Production Companies. Yes, this book is also on the pricey side, but it’s brimming with solid contact information. Search the HCD and find a company that produces material similar to yours. (In other words, don’t send Jerry Bruckheimer American Pie 6.) Send these folks a succinct query/pitch via snail mail or e-mail. Again, this is a numbers game, so be prepared to send queries to dozens of prodcos. Your response rate will more than likely be very low, but all it takes is one “yes” to get a career going.
ULTRA-IMPORTANT: Puh-leeze make sure you know how to write an effective query. Make sure you can effectively pitch your script succinctly. If you are unable to do this, don’t send your query/pitch until you can.
Also know that most prodcos won’t read your script without some sort of representation (i.e., agent, manager, entertainment attorney), but some will. If a prodco says they’ll accept your script only if it’s submitted via a rep, then you can always contact an entertainment attorney in Los Angeles and ask if they’ll submit for you. Some will even be willing to do this...if you pay them a fee. Hey, if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.
As for the “pitchfests” that seem to pop up every so often...well, you probably already know my opinion on those. Sorry, but I just think there’s something wrong about paying someone to hear a pitch. I guess these things wouldn’t be so bad if writers were better able to pitch their stories. Most deliver a stumbling, fumbling pitch – and the stories they’re trying to pitch are not exactly shining examples of cinematic entertainment. If you go the pitchfest route, make sure it’s one of the better known ones. Don’t go to Earl’s Pitchfest out on Route 9 and expect anything big to happen to your career.
Of course, none of this means much if your script isn't first-rate. So make sure your script is at a professional level before you send it to producers and/or potential representation. One more time: Make sure your script is at a professional level before you send it to producers and/or potential representation. Enough said.
(For my opinions on pitchfests and more on the querying process, visit the “Questions & Answers” section of my website.)
My book, Q and A: The Working Screenwriter -- An In-the-Trenches Perspective of Writing Movies in Today's Film Industry, is available at Amazon.com!!
A: As we all know (or should know), success in this business is contingent upon networking. It’s about making that necessary “face time” with people in The Biz. You need to make them aware of who you are and that you have talent. So if you don’t live in a filmmaking hub such as Los Angeles, then you obviously have to find other avenues to establish connections. Based on your location (Canada) and inability to travel (due to the wife and kids), I think your best bet is going the query route: letters to agents and producers. While it is possible for you to have some success with this, just know that the odds aren't that great.
Let’s begin with agents and managers: Order a copy of the Hollywood Creative Directory (HCD) for Representation. This book is a bit on the pricey side, but it’s brimming with solid contact information. Yes, you can query the big agencies (CAA, ICM, William Morris, etc.), but I strongly suggest you target the smaller, boutique agencies. (For my reasons for this, visit the “Questions & Answers” section on my website.) Send these folks a query/pitch via snail mail or e-mail.
ULTRA-IMPORTANT: Puh-leeze make sure you know how to write an effective query. Make sure you can effectively pitch your script succinctly. If you are unable to do this, don’t send your query/pitch until you can.
Remember, this is a numbers game, so be prepared to send dozens of queries. Your response rate will more than likely be very low, but all it takes is one “yes” to get a career going.
Now, let’s move on to production companies: Order a copy of the HCD for Production Companies. Yes, this book is also on the pricey side, but it’s brimming with solid contact information. Search the HCD and find a company that produces material similar to yours. (In other words, don’t send Jerry Bruckheimer American Pie 6.) Send these folks a succinct query/pitch via snail mail or e-mail. Again, this is a numbers game, so be prepared to send queries to dozens of prodcos. Your response rate will more than likely be very low, but all it takes is one “yes” to get a career going.
ULTRA-IMPORTANT: Puh-leeze make sure you know how to write an effective query. Make sure you can effectively pitch your script succinctly. If you are unable to do this, don’t send your query/pitch until you can.
Also know that most prodcos won’t read your script without some sort of representation (i.e., agent, manager, entertainment attorney), but some will. If a prodco says they’ll accept your script only if it’s submitted via a rep, then you can always contact an entertainment attorney in Los Angeles and ask if they’ll submit for you. Some will even be willing to do this...if you pay them a fee. Hey, if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.
As for the “pitchfests” that seem to pop up every so often...well, you probably already know my opinion on those. Sorry, but I just think there’s something wrong about paying someone to hear a pitch. I guess these things wouldn’t be so bad if writers were better able to pitch their stories. Most deliver a stumbling, fumbling pitch – and the stories they’re trying to pitch are not exactly shining examples of cinematic entertainment. If you go the pitchfest route, make sure it’s one of the better known ones. Don’t go to Earl’s Pitchfest out on Route 9 and expect anything big to happen to your career.
Of course, none of this means much if your script isn't first-rate. So make sure your script is at a professional level before you send it to producers and/or potential representation. One more time: Make sure your script is at a professional level before you send it to producers and/or potential representation. Enough said.
(For my opinions on pitchfests and more on the querying process, visit the “Questions & Answers” section of my website.)
My book, Q and A: The Working Screenwriter -- An In-the-Trenches Perspective of Writing Movies in Today's Film Industry, is available at Amazon.com!!
Reader question #2...
Q: Tom asked: “Is it true I need to have several scripts, each in a different genre?”
A: You should have more than one or two completed, ready-to-go scripts on your shelf. After all, if you’re a screenwriter, you need to have product. But no, you don’t necessarily need to have one script from each genre (i.e., horror, thriller, comedy, sci-fi, action-adventure, etc.). I’d never suggest you write a sci-fi script if that’s not your thing. After all, you can’t do the genre justice if you’re not a fan or don’t quite “get it.” Personally, I’d never write a big fantasy adventure like “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings”; I’m just not interested in that sort of thing. I like my stories a bit more down to earth, so I tend to focus primarily on psychological thrillers, horror, and comedy. Keep in mind, a certain amount of prolificacy is definitely required in this business, so being known for just one specific genre can be a detriment to those wanting to get a career off the ground. For instance, let’s say your focus is on the horror genre. Producers who have read your three gory horror scripts might not even consider you for a spy thriller or teen comedy. I guess what it all boils down to is this: have an interest in as many genres as possible, because if you write what you’re interested in, you’ll be a much happier, much more productive writer.
Visit me at http://www.theworkingscreenwriter.com/ -- a site for the pre-pro screenwriter!
A: You should have more than one or two completed, ready-to-go scripts on your shelf. After all, if you’re a screenwriter, you need to have product. But no, you don’t necessarily need to have one script from each genre (i.e., horror, thriller, comedy, sci-fi, action-adventure, etc.). I’d never suggest you write a sci-fi script if that’s not your thing. After all, you can’t do the genre justice if you’re not a fan or don’t quite “get it.” Personally, I’d never write a big fantasy adventure like “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings”; I’m just not interested in that sort of thing. I like my stories a bit more down to earth, so I tend to focus primarily on psychological thrillers, horror, and comedy. Keep in mind, a certain amount of prolificacy is definitely required in this business, so being known for just one specific genre can be a detriment to those wanting to get a career off the ground. For instance, let’s say your focus is on the horror genre. Producers who have read your three gory horror scripts might not even consider you for a spy thriller or teen comedy. I guess what it all boils down to is this: have an interest in as many genres as possible, because if you write what you’re interested in, you’ll be a much happier, much more productive writer.
Visit me at http://www.theworkingscreenwriter.com/ -- a site for the pre-pro screenwriter!
Reader question #1...
Q: Pamela asked: "Do you have any advice for newbies... to take advantage of the [Expo] networking events and parties?"
A: I’ve been to a handful of the Expo networking events and parties and I’ve never met any Hollywood big shots, so don’t go expecting to hobnob with A-list producers, agents and/or development execs. I’m not saying they won’t be in attendance, I’m just saying they might be awfully difficult to find. But I never go with the intent of meeting industry insiders. I go to meet other writers, talk shop and swap war stories. It’s a fun, pleasant way for me to spend a couple hours. So even if you don’t meet anyone who can directly advance your career, perhaps you’ll meet a talented writer you can partner up with. Or perhaps you’ll meet someone with a connection to an agent or producer. This is how careers begin.
“Networking Events” vs. “Parties”: I think your best bet for meeting industry reps will be at the networking events. The “parties” are typically more for writers to mingle and relax after a long day at the Expo. But definitely go to at least one of these functions. You’ll be glad you did.
Some tips: Have your pitch(es) memorized. Bring business cards (not scripts). Look presentable. Don’t drink too much alcohol.
A: I’ve been to a handful of the Expo networking events and parties and I’ve never met any Hollywood big shots, so don’t go expecting to hobnob with A-list producers, agents and/or development execs. I’m not saying they won’t be in attendance, I’m just saying they might be awfully difficult to find. But I never go with the intent of meeting industry insiders. I go to meet other writers, talk shop and swap war stories. It’s a fun, pleasant way for me to spend a couple hours. So even if you don’t meet anyone who can directly advance your career, perhaps you’ll meet a talented writer you can partner up with. Or perhaps you’ll meet someone with a connection to an agent or producer. This is how careers begin.
“Networking Events” vs. “Parties”: I think your best bet for meeting industry reps will be at the networking events. The “parties” are typically more for writers to mingle and relax after a long day at the Expo. But definitely go to at least one of these functions. You’ll be glad you did.
Some tips: Have your pitch(es) memorized. Bring business cards (not scripts). Look presentable. Don’t drink too much alcohol.
A must-see documentary...
I want to let all of you know about a fabulous documentary I just watched. It’s titled Dreams on Spec and it follows three aspiring Hollywood writers as they strive to get their scripts written, sold, and into production. The film also intercuts interviews with such screenwriting luminaries as Gary Ross, Steven De Souza, Ed Solomon, Nora Ephron, Carrie Fisher, Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, and James L. Brooks. All aspects of this production are top-notch. Bonus material on the DVD includes additional interviews with the aforementioned pro scribes and is full of valuable insight. If you’re a screenwriter, budding or pro, you will not want to miss this engrossing documentary. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get a real feeling for what a roller-coaster this business of screenwriting can be. To watch clips and order a copy of Dreams on Spec, go to:
Dreams on Spec
Note: If ordering via Neoflix, enter coupon code “Workingscreenwriter” and get 15% off!
***
APRIL 2015 ANNOUNCEMENT: My debut novel, Luigi's Chinese Delicatessen, is now available in paperback from Amazon.com and Kindle e-book! (You're gonna love it cuz it's all about Hollywood and screenwriting!)
Dreams on Spec
Note: If ordering via Neoflix, enter coupon code “Workingscreenwriter” and get 15% off!
***
APRIL 2015 ANNOUNCEMENT: My debut novel, Luigi's Chinese Delicatessen, is now available in paperback from Amazon.com and Kindle e-book! (You're gonna love it cuz it's all about Hollywood and screenwriting!)
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